Don't Judge Me

I've been reading The Inner Game of Tennis for my piano pedagogy class at Baylor. I'm almost to the end (fortunately. The paper is due on Tuesday.) As the title suggests, the book is about tennis, but has been applied to music as well.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into details about the entire book. As I have to write a paper about it, I might put excerpts up later. What I want to talk about is a chapter towards the end, titled "Games People Play on the Court." This could just as easily be called "Games People Play on Stage." He breaks down the attitudes which people have towards the game of tennis (or the act of performing). These genres are playing to achieve excellence, playing to make or keep friends, and playing for health or fun. He also breaks these into sub-genres, but I won't go into that.

The author tells us that most people go into a sport (or play an instrument) for fun, but that it quickly becomes competitive. Musicians in particular tend to set impossible standards for themselves. Because of this, playing music often becomes a source of frustration when, in fact, it should have the opposite effect.

The author, Timothy Gallwey, explains that this is rooted in the beliefs of Western culture. (I agree with him, by the way. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing this in such a sweet and amenable tone.) We measure others by their competence. We strive for excellence so as to be respected. Because that's how one gains respect, no? Musicians are judged based on how well they perform. You are a good musician if you can perform well. Because of all this, we form a pattern of measuring our self-worth based on whether or not we succeed at any given thing. Others judge us based on our actions, therefore we judge ourselves based on actions.

I hope that you've noticed the glaring problem. It is this: for every winner, there's a loser. And musicians have it the worst. Why? Because music touches people, and as a result, there are a hell of a lot of people who want to be musicians. This means that, in the music world, for every winner, there are a million losers.

My real mission in writing this is to remind my fellow musicians to remember why you're playing in the first place. Particularly in the classical world, it's all too easy to get caught up in being better than the person sitting next to you in studio. I'm directing this to other people, but I have to remind myself of this every day. I'm not especially competitive regarding other things, but I am fiercely so when it comes to playing the piano.

Remember to play because it makes you happy--not because your self-worth hinges on your ability.